A rite of passage¶
The record of the expedition of
the brave adventurers Grýla, Svish, Mozzblik and Robal
onto their initiation into the Toadlicker clan
Frog lickers¶
VIII VII MMXXVI
The intrepid heroes engage in a trial of wits and epithets, wherein
Some harsh words are spoken, calculated to wound, but probably not meant in earnest.
Some rocks are tossed and variously caught.
A contest of animal magnetism ends in a splash.
A treasure is sneaked away and none are the wiser.
The brave adventurers set out on a quest to obtain creatures of significant cultural and religious heritage, wherein
Through piety and ingenuity, a new dish of amphibian cuisine is created.
A secret box with valuable contents is discovered in an unexpected place.
The guardians of the sacred beasts appear out of the undergrowth and assert their claims.
A tremendous battle ensues, wherein
The ecologically-minded hero argues the importance of maintaining harmony within local habitats.
The pair of adepts of mysterious arts cut swathes through the enemy ranks with their powerful magics.
The warrior knight duels two opposing champions in a contest of guts, won through cuspids and through poise.
A fair and equinimous division of martial spoils takes place.
The stalwart warriors travel to a mysterious ancestral site, wherein
They explore the artifacts left by those who have been there before them.
They use the aforegathered revered creatures to partake in a solemn ritual…
Upon which great eight-legged monsters invade the sanctity of their abode.
Thus the unflappable heroes gird their loins for battle.
𝍸𝍫 / 𝍸𝍪 / 𝍸𝍸𝍸𝍷
So’s we went and said mean stuff at each other, like. I talked at Svish and called her pan bad, which I felt a bit bad about but I lost anyway. But also because the chief threw rocks at us, because we were both good at saying mean stuff, so he tossed rocks at us and we were supposed’s to catch ‘em, except I catched the rock wiv my head.
Then Mozzblik and Svish had a contest and they were also good, so’s the chief tole’em to talk to these, like, worms, and have them come over, so’s they did that. Except Grýla esploded one of the worms and I’s stole the other one, so Svish won. And then Svish won, I think.
Then the boss, he says go find this frog, but not this frog, like a new one, and then go to this other place and lick it.
So we goes to the swamp and we look fore frogs, like. Everyone knows where frog lives and they go and hunt them, and, like, Grýla set one on fire too, also.
I dunno where frog lives, but I finds this box and there is a frog there, but this guy and his mates shows up and says it’s his frog, and Mozzblik is like, no this everyone’s frog (but it was my frog really). But this guy woz not convin’t’d, so they got shitty, so Grýla and Svish did magic to them, and I bit one inna belly wot tried to scare me.
Then we nicked all their stuff and their frog (but it was my frog really). They had some drinks on them and Grýla also stole their mud into her backpack.
So then we go to place wot boss says we hafta go to and there is all this stuff there, but nothing good. Then we licks the frog and these big sorta spiders show up and try it on, so we fights them.
Horse choppers¶
XV VII MMXXVI
This night, the intrepid heroes stand amidst a clutch of eight-legged monsters, their arms at ready and spells crackling in the air. Through their martial might and flawless tactics, the Toadlicker company erases those monsters from this veil of sorrows, despite them entangling them in their nets and casting spells that warped the very nature of the heroes perception. At the last, hey fall asleep from the tiredness.
The next morning, the adventurers awaken to find the monsters to have shrunk like raisins. They set out to the surrounding woods in search of food and artefacts. They hunt a rabbit and find a ring of copper, upon which they set out to seek more of same. Alas, all such other beasts bore no simlar trinkets.
However, in their hunt they stumble upon a menace: a dark and evil wizard, her hat adorned with bells, her flight arrested by her foul beast’s struggle with the earthen road. The heroes took upon themselves to slay that snarling, kicking monster-of-burden and, since, the sorceress refused to yield, to end her terror once and for all. In her journey she captured a child, which has disappeared as into nothingness during the commotion. Thus the brave adventurers attempted to discover its whereabouts by inspecting all of the witch’s carted belongings, but to no avail. Instead they only discovered a writ of invitation to a gathering.
Then, having disemboweled and decapitated the evil beast, they set out to visit that society and discover what vile machinations they put into place and what artefacts they harbor.
𝍸𝍸𝍸 / 𝍸𝍪 / 𝍸𝍸𝍸𝍷
So’s there were these huge spiders all over the place, so’s we fights them, but they had magic powers and stuff and also webs and also they changes the room and stuff and make things weird. I bites some of them and then they die normal though. Then we falls asleep though, because it was a rough day.
In the morning we gets up and there are no big spiders, but only small ones, so’s I thinks they probably shrunk like raisins and stuff. They also tasted kinda like raising, but more spider-ey, but they were good.
So we were real goblins now, but then we remembered that the boss said we should find cool stuff, so we go look in the forest, but there’s only these rat-bits. So we catched one and Grýla founds a shiny inside. I didn’t know rat-bits had shiny inside and neither did nobody else, so we caughted a bunch more but they didn’t have shiny inside, so they were probably still green.
But we find this cart in the road and it had a longshanks in it and she had this huge horse what was about to eat us, probably, and her probably, so we started fightin’ her. I bit the horse a bunch and he kicked Mozzblik and Grýla and Svish found another longshanks, but a small baby one, but it disappeared. After we killed the horse the longshanks was mad tho, even though we killed the horse so it was no longer dangerous, and also she would not talk to me because she was mad, so Grýla and Svish beat her up and set her on fire, which was a shame because she had a cool hat.
We looked through the cart, but the babyshanks ecscaped already because it was probably magic. I also removed the horse’s head from the horse, and now I have a horse’s head. Now. She there were also a lot of bottles with tasty magic things and we drank some and some we didn’t drink yet.
And Svish and Grýla found a bit of paper. Svish read it (but she’s not a bad person really) and it said it’s an invitation to a party (which is like a ticket) where people get married and stuff, so we thought there are probably will be lots of cool stuff to nick there so we went, and also the ticket would be wasted.
Party crashers¶
XXII VIII MMXXVI
The heroes approach the gathering of the tall folks with honesty and cander, requesting admission on the basis of their wedding invitation. Alas, they are met with supsicion and prejudice on the basis of their species and not only do the mendacious guards deny them their rightful entry to the proceedings, but also try to get them to divulge the whereabouts of their village so they can attempt greatere hostile acts. But the intrepid adventurers handily outwit these underhanded schemers.
Instead, the adventurers claim their admission themselves by sneaking through a fence under the cover of a thicket. There they see the decadence of the opulent crowds, gem-encrusted jewelry hanging off of them in a display of pride and arrogance as they gorge themselves on effete foodstuffs and expensive drinks, guarded by a display of glittering side arms. So moved were the heroes by this scene of immorality that one in their midst cursed some small group of the debased revelers by withdrawing water from their very bodies, a most poetic punishment to such who overimbibed.
Then our heroes used the commotion to investigate what foul secrets the gathering harbors and were not surprised to find that a building in the center of the grounds served as house for a troop of vile horrors, doubtless to be released upon the helpless countryside later. And yet that was not the end of wanton cruelty—the knight Robal discovered that this society held captive a small boar in one of their wooden prison cells.
The heroes hand was forced when the trio exploring the other end of the gathering were discovered by one of the ruffian guards, whom they dispatched and set a boathouse aflame to divert attention. This was laid to rest no sooner than the knight Robal was discovered trying to selflessly acquire some of the lavish festive cakes for his tribe. Then they went to fight the onslaught of wardens and guests alike, setting ablaze the vile bestiary and the boathouses, while lobbing fires onto the crowd, trying to make a judicious escape.
Svish, Grýla, and Mozzblik all fell wounded at one time or another, but thanks to the bravery of their comarades and their selfless spirit, all managed to make their escape, defeating in the process the chief and strongest of these custodial dogs in a life-and-death struggle for the ages. And in the end, they returned to their village as heroes.
𝍸𝍸𝍪 / 𝍸𝍫 / 𝍸𝍸𝍸𝍷
So’s we go to this place, right, and we tells the guards we have a ticket and we are actually the longshank, and they say no, youse goblins and we will kill youse and also where is your village, and we say we don’t know, where is youse village. And they say we are too dumb to trick, and we said ye. But then more of them came so we hid and we made a hole under the fence and went through.
And then we see’d that there’s a lots of longshanks’s inside and they all have shinies and food and that so we went snooping around. And Grýla did some magics and she raisin’d some up and they got all loud and stuff.
And they had a whole house full of horses, so I wents in and stared at them to show them whose boss and told them I will kill them and they didn’t do anything, also there was a big guy there and I stole his booze. And also there was a boar and I nicked it and I nameds it Boar and he is in my backpack and I talks to him. And the guy left because Grýla, Svish, and Mozzblik were doing stuff on the other side to those longshanks’s.
And then I see’d they have this big cake with a roof so I went and I stoles it, but it fell over and they see’d me a bunch and I had to run away. I smashed my bottle of dog-be-gone on one’s face and hid in the horse house and I dranks the spicy wine and set it on fire and that got their attention.
And then I was gon’ run away but I hears the others are in trouble so I open the big door and shouts and some people came to get me. And then Mozzblik went after that one guard who came into the horse thingie and he got serious bonked, so I threw some drinks at him and he ran away, so I ran away with Mozzblik, but he was conked out though.
And then Svish and Grýla killed a buncha the longshanks and Svish got also bonked and the big guy came and bonked Grýla but she was still awake and he says come here to me, so I bit his stomach out and he died, and Grýla saved Svish with mud and we ran away.
And then everyone was happy because we came back with lots good stuff and a boar.
